In a perfect world, every parent would serve as a source of support for their children. Parents would celebrate their child’s wins and losses equally. They would praise, offer advice and encouragement, and let their children know that they love them no matter what.
Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case.
Some children grow up with hyper-critical parents. Hyper-critical parenting occurs when a parent has extremely high expectations for their children. Often, those expectations are unrealistic, and they can create a lot of pressure on the child. They might constantly nitpick about things their child does without ever offering praise or encouragement.
The effects of hyper-critical parenting can last well into adulthood. Thankfully, they don’t have to define you forever. Let’s look at some effective strategies you can put in place to start healing from hyper-critical parenting.
What Are the Long-Term Effects of Hyper-Critical Parenting?
It’s easy to assume that when you’re an adult, the things your parents did or said years ago won’t affect you. But the attachments we form in childhood, and the ideas we think about ourselves tend to stick with us for a long time. You might not necessarily think about how your parents treated you, but those instances are stored in the confines of your mind and body.
Overline
As a result, some of the most common long-term effects of having a hyper-critical parent include:
Low Self Esteem
Negative Self-Talk
Dealing With A Harsh Inner Critic
People who have hyper-critical parents also might have a harder time trusting their instincts. You’re likely to focus more on your losses and failures while trying to downplay your successes.
These traits and behaviors can impact nearly every area of your life, from your career to your relationships. You might even become a people-pleaser, putting the needs and wants of others above your well-being to feel some validation.
Setting Boundaries
One of the best ways to pump the brakes on the effects of hyper-critical parenting is to set up boundaries in your life. Boundaries can sometimes get misconstrued as being harsh, but they’re very healthy when implemented correctly.
Be clear and concise with the people in your life about what you will and will not do. Consider what’s important to you. What are your values? What are the things that bring you joy, and what are the things that burn you out? Be respectful as you share your boundaries, and people are likely to respect them in return.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the practice of staying in the present. Dealing with the impact of hyper-critical parenting can often make you feel the same way you did as a child — weak, dependent, not good enough, etc.
When those emotions start to creep in, close your eyes and focus on deep breathing. Mindfulness can help to pull you back to the present and remain grounded where you are. The more grounded you feel now, the more in control of your thoughts and emotions you’ll be, and the effects of the past won’t seem as overwhelming.
Foster Supportive Relationships
Healthy adult relationships are important for everyone. But they’re especially necessary for people who had to deal with hyper-critical parents. Finding a support system consisting of people who love you for who you are can make a big difference in how you see yourself. Your social circle shouldn’t care about you based on performance or what you can give them. Rather, they should validate your thoughts and feelings no matter what.
Work With a Therapist
Work With a Therapist
Therapy is often the best way to overcome the effects of hyper-critical parenting. A therapist can help you better understand what you experienced while working with you on strategies to help you heal.
You don’t have to let the impact of your parents dictate your life forever.
Consider reaching out to Integrative Psychotherapy Group for help today, and take charge of your future.