The concept of expectation bias has many different connotations in different settings. When it comes to its use as a psychological term, it highlights a cognitive bias. What we expect or believe in advance about a given scenario or situation has the power to influence the outcome. In fact, expectation bias does not just impact the outcome; it can shape how we interpret or perceive that result. 

Let’s say you have a predetermined view of a friend. If that friend were to offer an idea or theory, you might prejudge that postulation based on what you know about your friend. This can happen consciously or unconsciously, but either way, it gives your friend the short shrift. At the same time, you limit your own opinion and objectivity. 

For Example, How Can Expectation Bias Play Out in a Relationship?

There are many ways our relationship expectations can be formed. For example, there’s the power of example. We frequently develop our attachment styles as young children from parents (and other caregivers) — modeling our expectations based primarily on what we’ve witnessed. Then again, in a pop culture-centric society, most of us chase “love at first sight” and “happily ever after” and perhaps feel cheated if these ideals have not been found. 

This can demonstrate how disconcerting it is when your and your partner’s expectations don’t line up. We’re heavily conditioned to expect a “soul mate,” and then suddenly, we’re faced with a simple reality: Each person is an individual with discrete wants, needs, beliefs, and, yes… expectations. 

Managing Expectation Bias

An excellent antidote to expectation bias is having the expectation of differences. Regardless of the scenario — work, romance, neighborhood, family, or weekend softball team — accept upfront that differences are both inevitable and positive. When divergence happens, there are opportunities for adventures and growth.

That said, this is not a call to lower your expectations. High but realistic expectations pave the road to fulfillment. But again, make sure some of those paving stones relate to differences. Besides these basic guidelines, here are a few more suggestions when managing expectation bias:

• Remain Open: In almost all walks of life, we need to do some semblance of forecasting. Just make sure this doesn’t become a singular focus. Understand that room must be left for variations, surprises, and curve balls. 
• Practice Gratitude: Even when you don’t get precisely what you wanted or expected, find reasons to feel gratitude for how it worked out. Keep open the possibility that the outcome may turn out to be better than what you were seeking. 
• Communicate: Whatever the setting may be, keep the lines of communication open. Each participant will have their own point of view, so talk openly and respectfully about how things are and how they can be improved. 

Let’s Bring It Back to Relationships

If you are experiencing challenges with your partner vis-à-vis mismatched expectations, connect and communicate. Talk regularly about what each of you is seeking and thereby expecting. It’s not time to introduce your dream list of compatibilities. Instead, you first want to establish healthy patterns for challenging discussions. This skill will come in handy regularly. 

When you do talk about crossed wires and misinterpretations, remember:

• Keep it respectful: Set a standard for how you interact with each other.
• Embrace vulnerability: Accept that any type of relationship will require some measure of compromise and sacrifice. 
• Stay committed: Set a collective expectation to keep working and striving to deepen your connection.

Consult a Skilled, Unbiased Guide

The thing about expectation bias is that it’s not always easy to identify. To help unravel such confusion, set up an appointment today to talk about what’s going on.